Maybe running a 1/2 marathon the day after fast Sunday was not our brightest moment... although I must say running to the Hallelujah Chorus on loud speaker really puts a pep in your step. Not to mention the fact that we had already bought matching t-shirts. So we had to.
Preparation had been rough. Considering we are together like two days out of the week and barely run 20 minutes each morning. And everyone we told was like 'uhhh yeah.. good luck with that.(except our wonderful elders and the Düsseldorf Zone leaders. thanks guys. you are the best) But we head off at about 6:30am and I literally thought I was going to die. I was just huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf himself. It was rough. like way. And all this self doubt is creeping in from past experiences of passing out and throwing up and shin splints (cross country was not my best moment) But we push through. There were times when Sister Parker was ahead and (very few) times I was. Times that were tough for me may have been easy for her. Times when it was a walk in the park and we could just soak up the beauty surrounding us. And about 8 miles in she turns to me and says 'Sister Heywood, I am losing my desire.' Which of course was returned with a miley cyrus sing-a-long of 'we can't stop. And we won't stop.' The final stretch my im-gonna-die thoughts started creeping back in and it took all my concentration not to focus on the fact that my feet were killing me. Took all my energy to lift my hand in a half wave and mutter out a good morning to everyone we passed. Winds a blowing. Blisters the size of a quarter on both my feet. Both running out of energy. but we push through. And we did it. We did it.
This week we had all the sisters study the question 'why are you on a misison?' Really study it. I think about our mission race. Sister Parker and I are running literally the exact same course. We are together 24/7 and yet things that are hard for each of us could be completely different. I think about how much I lacked in the mission preparation department. I literally had no idea what I was getting myself into and was huffing and puffing my way through the MTC attempting to somewhat get this whole be a missionary thing down. And I kinda had a culture shock when I realized that this might actually be hard. what? missions hard? never. I thought I had prepared with my little daily nibble of the scriptures. I thought I had a testimony. I thought I knew my stuff. But I did not. like at all. But because Heavenly Father is the best he didn't let me die. I was able to forget about past experiences and adjusted rather quickly. Maybe too quickly because he knew I needed something harder to learn and grow from. And he kept sending them. more and more winds. maybe even a few blisters. But also some wonderful walk in the park times where I could just enjoy the scenery. And I kept running along. pushing through. There have been times that I feel like I am racing to keep up. Seeing how far I have to go and comparing myself to that person that may be just a few steps ahead. But there have been times were I have been able to see my own progress. One step at a time becoming the person Heavenly Father wants me to become.
I think about the times when Satan lets us as missionaries lose the desire to work. At those moments we might need a little someone to sing to us-but we can't stop and we won't stop. To force us to look outward. To forget about our hurting feet and look outward perhaps just enough to mutter out a good morning or a 1/2 wave. But to think of others. To serve. And that my friends is why I came on a mission. The longer I am out here I realize more and more how I will never be able to reach my full potential by focusing on myself. The only true way to reach it is by completely forgetting yourself and looking outward. I am so glad I still have a decent amount of miles ahead of me to continue to serve others and become the person Heavenly Father knows I can become. And at the end be able to say.. And we did it. We did it.
keep on keeping on.
xoxoxox
s. heywood
ps: Gabriel and Christian both came to church yesterday. flames are fanning.
#duisburgdirtydash2015
