I'm happy. I'm healthy. I feel Terrific. (mom, you better be beaming right now cause I am totally thinking of you. hehe) But really. Loving people makes such a big difference. Holy cow. I am just in such a good mood and missionary work just seems like a walk in the park. I could do this all day everyday... wait... that is what I do. But really. It's the best.
I have been feeling rather cut down lately in my missionary efforts. Like everything we were doing was failing and I couldn't figure out what we were doing wrong. And in my head what do we have to do? Work harder. I had been fasting and praying for a new direction in my missionary work because I felt like I was getting into a rut yet again... and what do I do to get out of ruts? Make goals. But we had already done that.. We had hefty goals and were working our tails off trying to reach them and I couldn't figure out what was wrong and why it felt like everything has been falling apart the last 3 weeks... And then we had Zone Conference. Which is basically one of those little spiritual party things we have with missionaries every couple months... not really that special. But seriously. I think President must have planned that Zone Conference soley for me. Soley for me to learn this whole see the glass half full thing and rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This was one of those monumental moments were it just kinda clicks. I think all of my goals have been focused on the skills and logistics of missionary work. Learning to talk to people better or to more people in general. Or trying to plan better and such... Which is great and really important actually. But I think my whole mission that has been the only type of goals I have known how to make and it wasn't until this week where I actually felt like I had improved in that category of missionary work. I think I know now how to get from a normal conversation to a gospel conversation or how to work really hard and talk to a lot of people. I normally don't get nervous anymore to say to someone ' i like your shoes' hehe (flash back to the golden days) I can teach a first lesson no problem but I think I have been severely lacking in the nonmeasurable part. The feelingsy. Personal. True Friend. Love them. Take it slower and really listen and care about these people part.
We started out with good intetentions and we found plenty of people to teach and then after 3 lessons... they all fell off the planet. So then we would find more people. Teach them three lessons and they would fall off the planet... And I couldnn't figure out why. And then my desire and faith that we were actually going to find people that would get past the third lesson was quickly fading. But I think I may have figured it out.. semi. They hadn't had that spiritual conviction that comes through testifying and sharing personal experiences and really truly caring about these people. These people don't care if some random guy named Lehi sailed across the world. They care about how it applies to them. How it applies to us. How it has changed our lives for the better. Specific ways of how it changed us. They had no investment and couldn't see how this was relating personally to them. The problem is that I think this kind of missionary work is a lot harder to measure and see that type of change and so that is why I always go back to what I do have control over and kinda go all robot missionary-y. But as soon as we kind of laid off the gas for this goal and gave the spirit room to talk and actually rely on that. Actually know these people deeply and what makes them tick. What their heartaches are. THAT was when things actually started to pick back up. And Emily came back. Gabriel came back. We were happier. The people around us were happier. The storms were still there, but it was so much easier to see the sunlight. I could look for the talents in those around me and how I could improve and learn from them. So if I can just repeat the words of my first couple letters: All you need is Love and Sunshine.
As tough as that lesson was to learn. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who has a higher plan for me. He knows me personally and can see a bigger picture than I can. He is not frustrated with me although I have to learn the same lesson 57689467893 times. Golly, he is the best.
thank you for loving me enough to cut me down.
love ya. hug ya.
xoxoxo
s. heywood
eep. summer is here. and so is every eis laden on the block.... whoop. whoop.
food. food. food. food.
just being awk by pretty buildings. what else do missionaries do?
so when tiger and turtle is a total flop? just play water soccer. It's dandy.
