It really helps your relationship when all your weaknesses come pouring out your eyeballs. Seriously. I don't think I have cried in public once on my entire mission until this week. Sometimes people really just know how to say just the right thing to cut me deep. Normally I feel like I am pretty good at letting things roll right off me, but we went to visit this lady and she just looked at me right in the eye and said just about everything rude you could possibly imagine. Like the deep rude. It took all my self control not to break down crying right then and there mid lesson. But I held it in and then as soon as we walked out I just lost it. I just felt like a failure of a missionary and that she was going to have a bad image of our church because of my mistakes. But you know what? It was totally my fault. I was getting frustrated with her and trying to do it out of love, but honestly I wasn't feeling love for her at all at that time and I'm sure she could feel that and there is no way the spirit could have been there with that kind of mindset. Instead of listening to Sister Hadfield and trying to follow her lead I think I had a subcontious attitude of "this area is struggling and Duisburg was booming which automatically entails that I know what's best and how to get this area back on its feet." Terrible way to look at it huh? Like prideful much? Which is ironic because I just said last week how I have SO much to learn from her. Which is so true. And now even more than I originally thought. I think I really needed one of those crash and burn moments to feel really stinky about myself for a little bit and realize maybe I am not as cool as I thought. You cannot do this work by yourself no matter how hard you try. We had this big heart to heart that broke down the whole walking-on-egg-shells-new-
Before I had the little robot attitude of trying to talk to everyone and to give them a card/Book of Mormon just for the sake of giving them it instead of really following the spirit to know who is truly prepared or who wants/needs this message. Mostly I think because I am terrified I am going to turn into a lazy missionary as I get closer to the end and already my load is a lot lighter without the calling I was used to/less people to teach here. And so in my head I think that was the picture I had of not being lazy. But after talking to Heavenly Father a lot about that one, I feel much better about my works and my role as a missionary and I was able to tune into the promptings he was giving us.
We were walking home and I just felt really strongly that we should talk to this Chinese guy. Like really strongly. I do not think I have felt that since Raphael back in my first transfer. Like really it is so rare that I feel THAT prompted. Our conversation was really short, but we were able to set up an appointment for that weekend and gave him a card. We get to the appointment and get talking to him and come to find out his parents pay money to the Chinese government in order to break the one child policy they have there. He is the youngest of 5 kids! We explain how our church is really family oriented. His reaction? "Oh I know. I already researched that website on the card you gave me." Like what? Who does that? It just so happened that we had planned to watch the Mormon message about God being our Heavenly Father and comparing that to our earthy father. Gah. So cool. My obsession with teaching Chinese people about God continues.
After a way pump-up-talk-to-everyone zone training we were walking home and Sister Hadfield had the thought that we should take a lap around our house and talk to people before we went in. And as we walked we felt like we should talk to this German lady and immediately she says "I'm Protestant." Making it very clear she didn't want to talk to us, but we have been working on testifying of Christ and the atonement in every contact. And somehow as we were testifying and asking her to share her faith in Jesus Christ with us as well, she opened her heart, took a Book of Mormon and we are meeting with her Tuesday. Woop. Woop.
Jennifer is perfect. Seriously. We went in there with the plan to teach her about Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon, but I just kept having this thought to read Alma's conversion story with her. And I am so glad we did. The whole time she is just tearing up and talking about how she just keeps getting goosebumps. She really wants to change her life. She wants that same thing in her life. We all knelt down together and asked God how she was going to do that and she thanked Heavenly Father for sending her "these two angels to help her find the truth."
Really that is only a few of the hundreds of small miracles we saw this week. Seriously. I don't know what we were even doing to deserve so many wonderful things. I think so many times I forget that there are so any wonderful things in life because miracles have just become the norm. Like when getting a number was like the biggest deal ever. I am so grateful for Sister Hadfield and teaching me how to freak out about the little things again hehe I love it. Life is so much better. We are trying to make that a focus of this transfer as we prepare for our "miracle fast" next month. We are going to have a different member of our ward fasting everyday of the month for missionary work and then call them each night to give the report of what miracles we see! Eep. I am so excited. Can you imagine how much power is going to be behind us? So yes. In preparation we have a little miracle jar and we are going to keep filling it with more of this juicy stuff. As we work together. Follow the spirit. And find the balance. You are looking at the miracle spotting professionals here.
"And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a god of miracles and yet be an unchangeable being? And behold, I say unto you changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a god of miracles." Mormon 9:19
God is a God of miracles. Yesterday. Today. And Forever.
things are looking up for us over here.
xoxoxo
s. heywood
Never felt so American/non missionary like in my life. We volunteered on the military base and we got stuck working the sumo suit booth. HILARIOUS. But hey you know what? We had so many good gospel convos and still had fun at the same time. Bam.
We are family.
Hanging out with Americans is the most absurd experience... Major culture shock. Weirdness.
Pretty stuff.
Melina gave me this oh so special gift for no reason at all. #instantfriendship
And with that I will stop with the super touristy pictures.
drooling.
Okay okay. This is really like the coolest story. This was the first member ever in Pakistan. Like started the church himself and then went on a mission in England. Converted over a hundred people and is still the most humble person ever just working in his little pizza shop so that his perfect daughters can have a good life here in Germany. His story is incredible. Incredible.
everyone was sumo wrestling
More pretty German stuff.
