Tip of the day: day 28 of 30 day shred. I guess that's the breaking point. That's the point where the neighbors below us finally get sick of our jumps squats and karate punches at 6:30 am. Whoops...my bad. Guess I now have a good excuse to get sister Lister to run with me. Muahahaha hehe jk. But really. Kinda excited about that.
Things are going just splendid. Again just way impressed with how much Heavenly Father is blessing us over here. Sometimes I need to just slow down and appreciate it for two seconds. Like just teaching lessons and finding more people to teach and still finding time for fun and dooring and all that jazz to help Sister Lister feel like a REAL missionary. So many people are making so much amazing progress right now and it is just so neat to be a part of their journey! But what I really wanna focus on this week is: repentance. The healing process. I have been thinking about that so much lately.
Little 8 year old Samuel was baptized on Saturday and it was truly one of the most beautiful services I have been to with the cute 6 year old brother piping into a flute with the spit flying and his mom trying her very hardest to give her talk in German that she had been practicing for weeks. He even invited some of his classmates from school! Seriously the spirit was so strong and it was simply beautiful. But it kind of hit a soft spot. Jennifer was supposed to get baptized that same day. And my heart was aching for her. I just wanted her to have this same joy. And feel this same spirit that we have. I want that for her so bad. So bad. It was the first time that I realized I wasn't completely healed from that whole ordeal. As wonderful as Sister Lister is, I felt like she didn't really know this situation. And I felt kind of alone. In my nightly prayer, I was praying to Heavenly Father about what I should do to not feel this pain for people that I love so much. To really just be filled with this complete joy.
The next morning, Bishop was sharing a spiritual thought in ward council about courage and he starts naming off examples of courage. "Courage is when you have someone so prepared to be baptized a member of this church and then suddenly out of nowhere they back out and you still have the courage to pick it back up and keep working hard." He looks right at me with only a half smile and then right back to business. It was literally so fast that I don't know if I would have caught it if I hadn't been watching. It was seriously such an amazing moment. One of those that I just felt valued. Like Bishop actually approved of my work and understood what it was like. But more importantly, that was an answer to my prayer. Heavenly Father speaking through him to me telling me that it's okay to feel that pain. That means you love them enough. But that doesn't mean I need to dwell on it. That he has felt that pain too and I just need to have the courage to keep going.
Sister Munoz made a comment in church yesterday about how so many times she falls into this trap of just trying to cover up the problem at hand. Whether it is with something to get your mind off it. Painting. Meditation. Yoga. Running. Whatever your out is. All worth while things, but none of those bring true healing. For that you need Jesus Christ. That is the only way you can truly be fixed. It seems like such a no brainier to me. I have known that since kindergarten. But yet do I? Do I really rely on him and his atonement? Do I understand that?
There we are. Friday afternoon. Appointment fell out. What's new? And we were deciding what to do. Dooring? Streets? Buses? Park. First guy we talk to.. Nothing. Sister Listers up and whips out the Heywood Classic question "what brings you hope?" (She is turning into me now.. It's creepy ;)) and this lady sitting on the bench begins to cry. Literally shocked the socks off of us. Like all we asked was if you had hope... She starts explaining how she had walked in circles in this park for hours on end until her feet hurt so bad she couldn't walk anymore and decided to sit down and right at that moment, we come up to her to talk about what brings us hope. Whoa. Gods timing. And she began to tell us all about how guilty she felt and how everything seemed to be going wrong in her life at that time and the missionary brain of mine just has all of these preach my gospel quotes on replay running through my head.
"Although they may not know why they need relief from feelings of guilt that come from mistakes and sins." Or "we all make mistakes in life, these mistakes create feelings of guilt and shame. Through repentance and the atonement of Jesus Christ you can get rid of these things." We were able to testify to her and set up another appointment. But the best part of the whole thing was just how much I was testifying to myself. As I was telling her these things it was reconfirming those truths to myself.
People need that. I need that.
I am so grateful for Jesus Christ. Nobody knows me more perfectly than he. He suffered for my sins, inadequacies, lonely moments, anguish, pain, hardships, emotional distress. He felt every trial I have ever experienced. Small or large. I know because he was absolutely utterly alone I don't have to be. I know He lives.
He will fix us.
Xoxoxo
S. Heywood
Ps: buckle up for the missionary super bowl. Aka: LDS conference. Eep. Can't wait.
First door. Eep.
I love this crew. Decorated the church table and everything.
No 30 day shred? Nbd. We will do our arm workout anyway.
Why not?
Diana. Aka: mom of all the missionaries. Straight up brought pastries to church for us. Who does that?
