My adjustment to motherhood has been so different than I ever imagined.
Today, I decided not to return to work after my maternity leave ends this month. I will still be working with Centsei, and volunteer work but I decided to quit my main job.
The decision to quit has been quite a roller coaster and I have been going back and forth ever since Lucy was born. (Dan has been so supportive in all of this and was so willing to make it work since I wanted to keep my job even though we are so blessed not to need my income) After lots of prayer and fasting, the decision ultimately came when I sat down to reflect on this past year and make my new years goals for this upcoming year. I thought about who I wanted to become and the type of mom I wanted to be for Lucy and I didn't quite see how this job fit in but I was scared of the alternative-- a stay at home mom.
I never wanted to be considered a stay at home mom. I don't know why the term has always bothered me but in my head that equated sit-at-home-and-never-leave-the-house-and-be-bored-out-of-your-mind-without-any-adult-interaction-changing-diapers-all-day. No thanks.
It never occurred to me that I might actually WANT to spend all this time with Lucy but I honestly do. It has been so much more rewarding and made me so much happier than I ever imagined. With that said, at this stage in motherhood, (maybe it is because Lucy is such a good baby) it doesn't take up ALL of my time.
One thing I have learned about myself is that I don't do well with an excess of time. I hate being bored. I knew maternity leave was going to be hard that way. I knew if I didn't fill my time I would get depressed or spend an excessive amount of time on social media, T.V. or other time wasters. I created a list of my daily six to help me fight postpartum:
Get outside
Exercise
Scripture study, journal writing, prayer and yoga
Something social
Project
Read
And it totally worked. I have been happy (except for those emotional, hormonal first few weeks. Phew. Dan is a saint!) productive, and fulfilled. It has been an adjustment to be sure but now that I have my daily six down, I am ready to add in my other things with business, volunteering, etc. and maybe someday add more consistent work back into the mix.
Even now, I don't know if I would be considered a stay at home mom as I will still be working on Centsei, teaching fitness classes and hopefully getting more into real estate (and the 20 other things I want to do) but through this process, I have learned that choosing to be a "stay at home mom" does not have to mean boredom, lack of productivity, social media obsessed, depression etc. Heavenly Father has created us to be stewards of our time. We can choose how we spend it. Some moms choose to work and some don't. Neither is right or wrong. It simply comes down to: who does Heavenly Father want us to become and how are we using our time to get there. I know it will still be a journey and maybe, in a different stage of life, working will be the answer, but for now, I feel confident in the fact that this was MY choice. No one told me I had to do either one. Not the church. Not my parents. Not my husband.
Not even Heavenly Father. I have appreciated that. I look forward to creating a life full of life.
To live, not just survive and make the best decisions of how to use time.
Update: Have you read 168 hours? It has seriously changed the way I view my time so much!
Update: Have you read 168 hours? It has seriously changed the way I view my time so much!
